~A Little Light Is all I Need~

So this post started out on an entirely different note. In fact it was going to be a copy and paste post (Which I will do, another day), but that’s out the window now, thanks to the song that I’m currently listening to. On repeat.

LOVE

A word that comes and goes

But few people really know

What it means to Love Somebody

LOVE

Though the tears may fade away

I’m so glad your Love will Stay

‘cos I love you.

And you showed me Jesus

“What it really means to Love”

It gets deeper.

The nights that I’ve cried you Love me

When I should have died you Love me

I’ll Never know why you love me

(But I’m grateful Jesus)

When all hope is gone you Love me

You gave me a song that you Love me.

Now I can go on, ‘cos you Love me

And Now I know what it really means to LOVE.

Music and the events in one’s life. I remember Crying and trembling while singing this song at the top of my voice repeatedly in the bathroom after a huge fight with my ex. He had hit me- and of course the only person I turned in the bathroom was Jesus. I told myself love wasn’t outside the bathroom door- It was in me, Through Jesus. I didn’t need his fake love. *hissss

So I’ve been moody in the last two days, coupled with the fact that I’m having my allergy on another level.

But tomorrow is Friday.

And with some light from Kirk and Angie.

I say "Damn the mood!"

My Sunshine has come and there’s No more rain in my clouds, ‘’cos I’m all cried out!- Go Angie!

Tweet Music Friday Tweeps...... (Shona, Ms Jayla, Funms, Kookie, VimfromZim, Juiceegirl, bumight Kemberly, And our very own twudes debuting this Friday – Haven’t sent them the memo though. Iamcerberus and medianemesis)

Music feeds my Soul........Have a great weekend people!

& lets #lightupnigeria!

PS: I see Blogsvillie is slowly getting out of it's recession.

In My Head.....

Driving behind a bus with a sticker that says

"EDITIOR WANTED?........For your books, Magazines, Newspaper. Call......"

Yah......And you can't spell editor.
I hope people I know never come across anything you have to edit.

Caught up with an old pal on IM.
He freaked me out.
He'd like to marry me.
Ummmh......dude I've known you for 8years.
Where on earth did that come from?


I got a suprise on sunday.
The Mister got me a sexy gadget.
I'm about to become a CrackB addict.

Perfect Birthday gift if you ask me.
But my birthday is not until another 10days.
Now I'm excited!

I've always wondered why they say "For better or for worse"
Not anymore.

My ex called.

He went to pay for his girlfriend's engagement ring.
But he broke down.
Says the ring was for the wrong girl.
It's a tad bit late now...........I'm gone.

I'm ready for change.......

I'm not Scared anymore.......

Music is indeed good medicince for your soul.

Listening to:

"Let's stay together, Loving you whether, the
Times are good or bad, happy or sad"
                                                                - Al Green 

Shona, Funms, Kookie and Ms Jayla put me in the zone..........

Tweet Friday Girls!

Suga J & B......

*Random (Song(s)) Post

Phewww!

The real world is trying to suck me in, trying to steal my Mojo, Never............I Defy it!

 People are All the same

And we only get judged by what we do

                                                                                                                       ~Sugababes

Work has been crazy, and life crazier. Suffered a serious case of insomnia last night.....

So bad, I did the dishes at 1:50 am, cleaned the kitchen- ipod in ear, washed  random things, arranged clothes, picked out my outfit for work.....went back to bed and still no sleep.......Ipod still plugged in and the time is now 4:38am, Lying down- music drowning my soul. I would have to get up for work at 6:10am.......It's amazing the songs you connect with at such odd hours- And why does the Ipod skip the everyday songs at this time of the night?

So Just like a Pill- by Pink begins to play........

I haven't moved from the spot where you left me
This must be a bad trip
All of the other pills, they were different
Maybe I should get some help

I can't stay on your life support, there's a
shortage in the switch,
I can't stay on your morphine, cause its making me
itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again but shes
being a little bitch,
I think I'll get outta here, where I can

Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Stead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me
ill
                                                                       ~Pink

This song has my ex written all over it. Last week was his birthday, and Nope I didn't play Miss Nice. No phone call, No text and No email. I'm Not on FaceBook and neither is he so scratch that too.

Life is really funny and strange.........you share the world with someone for as long as 6 years, you think the world revolves around only the two of you, and then a couple of months down the line, you don't even have the person's phone number.

You move on...........And find out there's another world out there, way better than what you had.

I have a hard time understanding some things in life, it has to do with the human race and how the think or process right from wrong, or even worse, how they don't have a line separating right from wrong knowing fully well that every action they take affects the next person.

The fact that my lines are clear doesn't mean others should have clear lines, right?- Wrong.

B finds her way through my earphones and steals my heart with this song, since sleep has refuse to find me.

Me myself and i
That's all i got in the end
That's what i found out 
And it ain't no need to cry
I took a vow that from now on
I'm gonna be my own best friend

Me myself and i
I know that i will never disappoint myself
I must have cried a thousand times
All the ladies if you feel me
Help me sing it now
I can't regret all the times spent with you
you hurt me
But i learned a lot along the way
After all the rain
You'll see the sun come out again
I know that i will never disappoint myself

                                                          ~Beyonce

At the end of the day, we only have ourselves. Our happiness lies in our own hands, Don't expect someone else to make you happy. (Married folks are exempted.......I think*)

Scars....

So I didn't have enough time to rest despite our 3days + weekend holiday, and I still haven't gotten round to resting properly, hence my body fighting me seriously. In my tired state my mind had time to travel into my past, It's amazing the kind of things we go through in life, In fact in most cases if we were told you would go through such things, you would scream and say "me, never! " but unfortunately these things actually do happen.


As I was sleeping, yet conscious of my environment, I heard a friend tell my childhood best friend why she had to leave her long term boyfriend- apparently, she had suffered a series of violent episodes and never told anyone. My best friend was shocked because they were really good friends in school and she knew the boy in question, in fact she had been telling her she made a mistake by leaving her long term love. My best mate goes on to say that it could never happen to her, stating all the things she would do if at all it dared happened. I smiled (in my sleep) then I woke up and said you can never know until you find yourself in that situation- freaking both of them out, as they thought i was dead to the world in my sleep.
My best mate turns to me and says, don't tell me it happen to you too? I smiled and I said yes (referring to my ex of over a yr), Now, everybody who knows me, calls me the boss lady, I don't take rubbish, my aura is very commanding and authoritative- so of course her jaw dropped, and she just kept staring at me, trying to analyze how such nonsense happened to me and I'd stay.


It happened first in 2nd year university, on Vals day the 2nd yr into the relationship, at home (we had fought the day before, so I drove home and left him in school) I had been loading the washing machine, as I turned around I saw him, before i could utter a word a nice hot slap landed on my face, I screamed! I was dazed no pun intended, I had never been slapped in my life, my parents aren't the type that punish with beatings, so i was confused, knowing he had a nasty temper, I started thinking about saving my life, as per we were in the kitchen, knives and all, luckily my younger and only sister was home with me she ran into the kitchen and became a human shield @ 5 '11 she did a pretty good job, I ran into the room, and more slaps followed, then my sister managed to find her way in between us, he did a hit and he missed me, but my sister was the unfortunate recipient, she landed on the bed and knocked out immediately.
I ran outside the house unto the road, unfortunately it was a weekday and nobody was really around (we live without parents- my folks are white like that), and the next thing he breaks down, starts crying then starts begging me- and I'm thinking you must be out of your freaking mind!
What had i done to deserve this? i followed a male friend (that had the hots for me, and he knew) to take me to get something to eat, and he saw us driving away together.


My ex is one of his kind, he was/still is obsessed with me, but he calls it love, I say whatever, if it was possible for me not to walk on the floor, I'll probably wouldn't, he more than cared for me and he showed this in the calls, words, spoilings, in fact I was so spoilt I got anything and everything I wanted and needed from him, he did things most older guys (back then) weren't doing for their girls, so i didn't understand why he did what he did. It took a lot of begging, promising and bribing, I carried my two stupid left legs back, moving on 2yrs later in the heat of an argument he slaps me, and I slapped him right back!........My exit strategy came into play.


I analyze alot, I knew from the 1st time it happened, it was bound to happen again, but because my naive lost in loveself believed in giving people a 2nd chance i decided to stay. To say i was hurt would be putting it mildly, I may forgive but never forget- I can't help it, I know it's not suppose to be that way.
In total we spent 6 and a half years together, ups and downs, and to top it off he was such a man whore! So i woke up one morning and walked- just like that, and it was at a point when everything in the relationship was at its best, Nobody ever believed it would happen, they all thought we would end up married. we had more than enough breakups to make up, it took me 3yrs to put my get away plan into action, Deep down I knew I couldn't live with him for the rest of my life, even though it came with all the finer things in life, my happiness had to come 1st. I couldn't ever imagine being in his arms night after night after all the hurt and pain, I hated what he did to me, I Hated sex, I hated guys, I hated love, I never wanted to get married, I could shoot cupid if i ever set my eyes on him, I could shoot any guy offering to be different (because they are all the same, if they are not violent, then they are man whores, or both!)
I think it wouldn't have been this bad if he hadn't shown so much love, attention, and affection, I could never reconcile the two human beings. I was scarred for life by him. They say No scar can ever be completely removed, they leave a mark as a reminder, I can say for a fact that it's been lasered (if there's any such word) :-)


I moved on and of course all the things I hated then I love now :-). Right now we don't speak,which is for the best, I wish him the best, and hope he learns to appreciate life and all that it has to offer, and for anybody out there who thinks it's a first and last time incident, chances are you are wrong, and you know it deep down, so walk away while you can, before it's too late.......