Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Grabs broom, inserts stick at the bottom, grabs flashlight and begins to find way to blog.
*Phew! I can't believe it's taken the end of year syndrome or should I say new year syndrome to bring me out of my hiatus.
Well, what can I say. At least I'm here now :)
I just did a before and after examination of myself: shocking discovery (or not). My before says to my after "Sweet Jesus! Girl, what on earth happened to you?"
You used to be like me, you know: young and alive! passionate and excited (not that you don't look young) but... you look DEAD.
Alive but Dead.
No passion, no excitement, distant and lost.
Hanging my head in shame, I realize that this is true.
Not proud of it, but I just let life and its trials get the best of me.
What on earth happened to me?
In recent times I've been thinking about death more often than usual, I have all the bad news from 2012 causing this, and my worst fear is to die without living!
Things happen in one's life and you're not sure how to recover, you get overwhelmed by other milestones like giving birth and becoming a mother (yet to come to terms with that one till date). You hate your body and yet can't be disciplined enough to lose the last 10kilos so you can be a perfect size 10.
You lack passion for the things you love, so much so that it begins to kill the love.
You yearn desperately for something and instead it keeps going farther away from you.
It feels like the world is against you. You have no reason to try, no reason to hope, no faith to believe.
You just exist.
What's amazing is the fact that I'm surrounded by things that should move me, things that should keep my fire burning, however I chose to ignore them. Just because things were not how I wanted them to be.
This morning, I looked at my husband get ready and leave for work, I smiled in my head and it was warm. I have an awesome life partner.
As for our son, Have you looked into his eyes?...you will fall madly in love with him instantly, him and his bag of tricks.
I didn't make any new years resolutions, but I have began to live by the grace of God.
I am appreciating life and its moments. I will not stop yearning, I will keep my hope and faith alive.
I seize to just exist.
Life is really too short to die sad & unhappy.
I choose to live!
I choose to do right by myself and the people that I love in my life.
I choose to dream
I choose to chase my dreams.
I choose to love
I choose to love passionately.
I am eager and excited!
A little light was all I needed to overcome my dark days :)
It's 2013 people.
~Sirius~ signing out.
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device