Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Until Death Do Us Part.....

To those who are married, .. Not married .. and soon to be married.

I hope you will be touched by this story.

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce..

I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew.

I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces.
The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release.
The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning.. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger.

I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs.

Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead.. Do you have a fever? She said.
I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce.

My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy.

Do have a real happy marriage! If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you. If you do, you just might save a marriage.

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

I Am Who I Am.

Mid May already.........Time really does fly.

I had no plans of abandoning my "safe place" here for this, Life and some Very Demanding clients deemed it fit to take over my time and sleep......can I have a witness please(raise your right hand).
I took it upon myself to take my life back, and you should too!

Found myself reflecting over the weekend. I went to visit my childhood friend whom I hadn't seen in a while, and met another friend of ours there.

We all got chit chatting, weight, dress size, hair (I'm sure I'm the only girl in Lagos who hasn't bought into the whole brazillian/perusian/ mexican, shoes, weddings, etc......for some odd reason men weren't part of the discussion. Hehehehe

Apparently to them I am now a full fledged "
weirdo" why? Because I am undeniably "unsentimental" to things girls/ladies would normally care about. *shrug* Well, that's just who I am, and I Love me....(They still love me too, So.)

I have evolved........for the only reason that I was always meant to.

It's crazy the paths and people life let's you encounter, and we are all given a fair chance to make the best of it by making choices.
I've met the most amazing people in my tiny little world, and I'm glad I met them all...........the good, the bad and the ugly.

So I stumbled unto this note;

I tried to put myself in the unknown writers shoes.

God knows I've repeated this a thousand times in my head, but I also know I won't get it out right if I were to try and tell you how I really feel. (Either I forget some parts or ramble on)

We met. Became friend. Then Lovers. We laughed. We cried. We fought. We made wrong choices. We made right chioces from the wrong ones. We made Love......We decided " Us against the world"

Nothing's perfect. But we are perfect for each other :-)

Yes to the outside world, we look like quiet a pair ,because we share our joys, pains, pressure and tears together.

We have come a mighty long way from when we started out. We have grown in ways I didn't even imagine. We love "us" so much that we work so hard at keeping "us" together .....Our Love is like Old wine......better with each passing day

I get it when you say you look at yourself and you see me, because when I look at myself I see you too.

You are indeed my best friend.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

3 simple word will never be enough to describe how I feel about you, but I will say them all the same.

I Love You.
(Thank You For Loving Me)

It made me feel warm and fuzzy inside......

Off to play catch up...........I've really missed this spot.

Adios Amigos!