Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Scars....

So I didn't have enough time to rest despite our 3days + weekend holiday, and I still haven't gotten round to resting properly, hence my body fighting me seriously. In my tired state my mind had time to travel into my past, It's amazing the kind of things we go through in life, In fact in most cases if we were told you would go through such things, you would scream and say "me, never! " but unfortunately these things actually do happen.


As I was sleeping, yet conscious of my environment, I heard a friend tell my childhood best friend why she had to leave her long term boyfriend- apparently, she had suffered a series of violent episodes and never told anyone. My best friend was shocked because they were really good friends in school and she knew the boy in question, in fact she had been telling her she made a mistake by leaving her long term love. My best mate goes on to say that it could never happen to her, stating all the things she would do if at all it dared happened. I smiled (in my sleep) then I woke up and said you can never know until you find yourself in that situation- freaking both of them out, as they thought i was dead to the world in my sleep.
My best mate turns to me and says, don't tell me it happen to you too? I smiled and I said yes (referring to my ex of over a yr), Now, everybody who knows me, calls me the boss lady, I don't take rubbish, my aura is very commanding and authoritative- so of course her jaw dropped, and she just kept staring at me, trying to analyze how such nonsense happened to me and I'd stay.


It happened first in 2nd year university, on Vals day the 2nd yr into the relationship, at home (we had fought the day before, so I drove home and left him in school) I had been loading the washing machine, as I turned around I saw him, before i could utter a word a nice hot slap landed on my face, I screamed! I was dazed no pun intended, I had never been slapped in my life, my parents aren't the type that punish with beatings, so i was confused, knowing he had a nasty temper, I started thinking about saving my life, as per we were in the kitchen, knives and all, luckily my younger and only sister was home with me she ran into the kitchen and became a human shield @ 5 '11 she did a pretty good job, I ran into the room, and more slaps followed, then my sister managed to find her way in between us, he did a hit and he missed me, but my sister was the unfortunate recipient, she landed on the bed and knocked out immediately.
I ran outside the house unto the road, unfortunately it was a weekday and nobody was really around (we live without parents- my folks are white like that), and the next thing he breaks down, starts crying then starts begging me- and I'm thinking you must be out of your freaking mind!
What had i done to deserve this? i followed a male friend (that had the hots for me, and he knew) to take me to get something to eat, and he saw us driving away together.


My ex is one of his kind, he was/still is obsessed with me, but he calls it love, I say whatever, if it was possible for me not to walk on the floor, I'll probably wouldn't, he more than cared for me and he showed this in the calls, words, spoilings, in fact I was so spoilt I got anything and everything I wanted and needed from him, he did things most older guys (back then) weren't doing for their girls, so i didn't understand why he did what he did. It took a lot of begging, promising and bribing, I carried my two stupid left legs back, moving on 2yrs later in the heat of an argument he slaps me, and I slapped him right back!........My exit strategy came into play.


I analyze alot, I knew from the 1st time it happened, it was bound to happen again, but because my naive lost in loveself believed in giving people a 2nd chance i decided to stay. To say i was hurt would be putting it mildly, I may forgive but never forget- I can't help it, I know it's not suppose to be that way.
In total we spent 6 and a half years together, ups and downs, and to top it off he was such a man whore! So i woke up one morning and walked- just like that, and it was at a point when everything in the relationship was at its best, Nobody ever believed it would happen, they all thought we would end up married. we had more than enough breakups to make up, it took me 3yrs to put my get away plan into action, Deep down I knew I couldn't live with him for the rest of my life, even though it came with all the finer things in life, my happiness had to come 1st. I couldn't ever imagine being in his arms night after night after all the hurt and pain, I hated what he did to me, I Hated sex, I hated guys, I hated love, I never wanted to get married, I could shoot cupid if i ever set my eyes on him, I could shoot any guy offering to be different (because they are all the same, if they are not violent, then they are man whores, or both!)
I think it wouldn't have been this bad if he hadn't shown so much love, attention, and affection, I could never reconcile the two human beings. I was scarred for life by him. They say No scar can ever be completely removed, they leave a mark as a reminder, I can say for a fact that it's been lasered (if there's any such word) :-)


I moved on and of course all the things I hated then I love now :-). Right now we don't speak,which is for the best, I wish him the best, and hope he learns to appreciate life and all that it has to offer, and for anybody out there who thinks it's a first and last time incident, chances are you are wrong, and you know it deep down, so walk away while you can, before it's too late.......

12 comments:

CaramelD said...

Oh darling I am speechless. I had no idea! I'm sooooooooo angry, how dare he?

Everything makes a little more sense now. I'm so angry and I am grateful you found the strength to walk away.

Nothing, and I mean nothing justifies a man laying his hands on a woman in violence.

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

violent men are cowards and insecure, Its not true that they cant help themselves, they only pick on thier partners coz they know you cant retaliate.

Rita said...

There is simply no justification why a woman should remain with a violent man... but that's my own strong point of view... I know people that have not survived it...

So glad you were able to walk away...at least you are in one piece to tell us the story...

You really said it right with "I knew from the 1st time it happened, it was bound to happen again."

Freaksho said...

real men don't hit women.

~Sirius~ said...

@ My sweet Caramel, It's hard to be open about certain things especially when you are still trying to get over them.
@ MDM "Insecure Cowards" best description I say.
@ Rita No justification what so ever, I'm proud of myself for walking even though it took a while, at least I made it.
@ Freaksho No they don't......:-)

exschoolnerd said...

who would have thought...gosh it must have been horrible...am sorry u had to go through all that..someone like u doesnt deserve that.at all at all....i am so happy u mustered up the strength n courage to walk away...good for u girl...

Abujamaiden said...

My first time here.

So happy for you to be able to walk out after 6 years!

Some people just get used to the relationship and continue ino marriage with the hot slaps and dazing. God help us!

Buttercup said...

Oh wow..

It just makes me so freakin angry!

U must be really strong to have endured 6 n a half years..n even stronger to have walked away..

zara (my alter ego) said...

WOW! what doesnt kill u makes u stronger... am glad u had the good sense and presence of mind to walk away.. some people sadly never do.. and the fact that u have nothing but goodwill for him is quite commendable.

Raisins and Rum said...

....m sure this has made you stronger..some never find the strenght to walk..
m glad you did..
why should a guy hit a woman..ABG (abeg) o!

L-VII said...

I am sorry you had to go through that.
What stuck with me after reading this is 'you never know'.
I think a lot of women that I have spoken with are silenced by the shame and that allows the abuse to go on for longer than it should. People do not realise just how soul destroying physical abuse can be. I have not been through it but someone I love dearly has and she became a shell of her former self, she is re emerging slowly now but it shattered her self confidence and it takes a while to re build that.

Hope all is well now.

doll said...

this will be my story soon..am sure