Thursday, November 6, 2008

Single View

So I’m still swamped with work, story of my life…….My senior manager is getting married on Friday, little me was left to assume his position and workload! I’m constantly being teased by the other older colleagues, imagine being called young madam or country head in the making all day.

Obviously, working with my manager in the last couple of months I’ve heard all sorts about wedding/marriage to last my life time, first of all I’ve never been bothered about this whole marriage thing, I can be a bit of a weirdo, some people  (including myself) refer to me as psycho but hey, I love me. For as long as I can remember I never wanted to get married, As far as I was concerned being single for the rest of my life was always option A ,  (and to think I grew up in “the perfect family” with “the perfect childhood”), unfortunately or should I say fortunately for me, I’m at the point where all my friends are married, quarter to marry or plain freaking out about getting married (I never understand why they freak out), on the other hand  I hear some girls even have their parents hassling them and telling them they are RIPE  for marriage (RIPE!........ RIPE! Are we fruits??) I thank God my parents are not the type, my brain finds it hard to accept the whole marriage thing, instead it keeps on listing out in bullet points the trials and tribulations of a failing marriage, and I think to myself, why waste time battling such issues when you can easily spend time doing the things you love.

Not to mention my phobia for being pregnant, that whole labour pain, naaaaaah men! I’m definitely  not cut out for it, For starters I don’t even carry new born babies, because I think they would fall  out my hands or I would crush them-  tiny 'lil creatures, bless them. But before I even get to the phobia, I think I know what puts me off the most!  It’s the pre-wedding and the actual wedding; notice how I didn’t say the marriage this time. I mean, why does one have to go through all those ridiculous processes, if it’s not one side or both sides of the parents disagreeing, it’s the amount of money and time spent preparing the wedding, from asoebe, to music, to food, to venue, to cake, clothes you name it , even when there’s a planner issues still arise, and I hear most times it takes a couple of months for couples to recuperate, I mean what’s that? What’s the point? When the resources can be used to start life together, instead you get complaints after the wedding of how food didn’t get to everybody, after spending tons of money, Mcheww! Darn them!

 The only way I see myself ever getting married is having the smallest wedding ceremony ever for a 1st daughter, having my partner as my best mate and knowing together we can make it through earth , wind and fire and let’s not forget, pain free babies. If I can have it this way, then I'll sign up………. if not I shall remain free as a bird.

26 comments:

Twix! said...

Kai, this girl, you will not kill me o. I hate the whole wedding gra gra too. Im quite antisocial and i have this feeling ill behave badly on my wedding day if its a big one. I cant stand crowds so i become unfriendly and snubbish when im around a host of people you hardly know that expect you to be smiling and dancing. Im a bad danser, i dont know how in heavens name im going to do all that. So ive settled for your option, a really small wedding, not too much money spent, no asoebi whatsoever and a bestfriend for a husband. That pretty much does it for me.

About peoples craze for getting married, i blank them out of my face because for me though id love to spend the rest of my life with someone special, its not how early i start to live with someone else that matters, its who the person is and how well our marriage works out. Ive got couple of friends who want to die because they arent married yet or dont have a prospective husband yet and i just blank them out. They always wonder how i take life so easy and not stress myself about these things.

About babies, i love babies. Im scared of being pregnant and pusing too but i know since my mum did it like 5times, i can do it too even if its twice lol. You'll learn to carry a new born baby especially when you have one i promise.

Nice post by the way, seems all our bosses chose this period to get married.

CaramelD said...

DO NOT GET ME STARTED!!!!

The circus that Nigerian weddings have become is just too much! How won't men start getting palpitations when they think about proposing to their loved one! Fear would catch anyone!

The need to show off then outstrips what the day is actually meant to be about, two people committing for life!

Things that annoy me:
1. Wedding cakes at traditional weddings!

2. More than 2 outfit changes at traditional weddings!

3. Asoebi warfare erupting between different family/friend groups at white weddings!

4. Souvenir warfare eg who donated what and who received what!!

It's all too much. PS I have unfortunately fallen into the group of women whose parents are tormenting about their single state. Can we swap? LOL

MissLove said...

SIRIUS!!!!!! 1st of you are not the only person to be 'weird'. I am 'weird' to an extent. Pardon me but it annoys (just a lil bit lol) me when people from 'perfect families' talk this way...If you were born into my family what will you do? Be a celibate? lol My parents do not have the best relationship and it hurts to know you dont have a father who can make you think men can be nice... I believe (even though sometimes with doubt) that love can be found as for understanding, I don't think anyone can understand you fully but compromises can be made. I really don't fuss about marriage but I haven't blanked it out. I used to feel the way you feel right now about it but when I gave my life to christ in 2006, I realised I felt this way because I was bitter and just didn't want to forgive men (my dad. Just imagine walking into your parents room in the morning and your mom aint there but a slut that ur dad picked up). So I guess it varies for each individual.

As for weddings? I love the glamour of real traditional weddings and I feel it should be celebrated very well because hmm...you don't know what you are getting into..lol OK so it might just be positive sha...xx

Lady Koko said...

fly .....fly .....fly away.......FREE!!!!!!!!!!!! *at night return to the nest..he'll be waiting for you*
p.s:xoxo

talesandtallies said...

lol... thank God, I don't have to get married anytime soon. I will probably just pass out... and av really been thinking of a way to boycott the pains of childbirth, thankfully am not alone

Nefertiti said...

Thanks for stopping by my space. Interesting point of view. I am not completely averse to marriage tho, just all the hoopla surrounding it. While I understand that it's a once in a lifetime(Hopefully)event, I don't think it should be made a liability for the young couple...

but what do I know, I'm just an 800pound gorilla in the room.

I hope you come around ;-)

aloted said...

hmm candid post..

dunno what to say as I am so for marriage and babies :)

Should i pray that one day u get to that point where u change ur mind? :o)

webround said...

several people i know in Naija have simply gone to the registry, signed the lines and then announced to the world they're married.

another option - leave it to the parents to do all the planning. some of them love it.

RE labor pains - seems like almost every lady i know takes an epidural. a few people opt for a CS.

most fathers i know are scared of carrying their new born babies. but the first time they do carry the baby, they immediately become EXPERTS. so never fear..

stuck in my throat o said...

I am only having a traditional wedding and then going to the Registry(I hope).
I can not stand noisy weddings, so I feel you totally.

fantasy queen said...

me oh, i want to get married quick quick quickkkkkkkkkkk! and my mother has refused to push me towards the light.lol

i know i'm still a little too young in our modern day context to say i want to get married, but a couple of friends have tied the hitch(no i'm not wising cos of that)
i'm the perfect single independent woman, but i feel once i'm settled in that zones, the uncertaintities in my life would be calmed a little.
how i'll achieve this with my drastic phobia for dating i know not, i let the most wonderful guys slide past cos i'm scared of getting commited.

funny i dont look forward to the wedding itself like most brides do, but to the marriage after.
my mom wouldnt hear of a small wedding, even though i'm the last, but i feel that'll be my gift to her, the least i can do before being a little less than 100percent her baby.

i'm sure some day soon when you meet 'him' you'll be over the moon about your wedding and so blinded to the big wedding deal the first daughter is sure to attract, plus you'll love him so much carrying his baby would be such a beautiful sacrifice.

ibiluv said...

weddings..........sometymes i'm hyped.........sometymes i wonder why we bother with the hassle......

but what is most important is a good marriage...wish u one gal......

exschoolnerd said...

when i tell people i dont want the hullabaloo that comes with a big wedding they look at me like i have gone mad..but really i just want a small but memorable wedding..all dt oda jabanjatis i cn do without!!!


i feel u on the labor pains scare...i thought about it not too long ago..gosh made me real scared..

i used to think i didnt want to get married before...but i guess i had a rethink...

Buttercup said...

Sowee bout work o..u'll be aii!

I also hate the craziness that comes with weddings, but the result(if desirable) always makes it worth it..no, im no expert..

Im freaked out bout pregnancy n delivery, i mean, the thought of A BEING coming out of my vajayjay is not exactly gravy..but i do want to have mini buttercups and mini ronaldos(the man of my dreams), i hear the pain n discomfort endured r forgotten as soon as u hold the precious new born in ur arms for the 1st time..

This isnt an attempt to change ur mind..lol..

Abujamaiden said...

There's no elaborate traditional wedding in my culture but I want a big wedding/ reception and then a small reception for fewer people.

Then I can pick which was a better experience. Lol!

Pregnancy, I can imagine telling ym future husband to chill, next year chill!, next year, chill!, next year chill!..Lol! Kai, its scary but its such a beautiful thing.

Till then.....

Emeka Amakeze said...

Wedddings have never changed in this country but our perspective has been too dynamic for our own good. Whether traditonally or the white wedding, it's all done as soon as a couple is declared husband and wife by both families or the priest respectively. Then the EGO of the Nigerian sets in; let me show them, mine will be in one celebrity mag or the other, reception at the costliest hotel in town, i want ten sets of asebi, and a long list of other trivialities. It is an individual thing and will always be. http://streamsong.blogspot.com

Shubby Doo said...

i confess i was brain washed by the fairytales at a young age...i want the happily ever after but as i get older i realise that the real world is different...

the wedding should be about the people getting married - instead gra gra becomes a circus show

Naija Idol said...

Goodluck on being as free as a bird o. u just might change ur mind l8r. just maybr. thx 4 stopping by. really appreciate it.

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

I completely understand. My husband and I had an extremely small wedding. And, I mean extremely small. There was an equally small reception after wards, lol!

I see people go through the whole wahala and I am in awe of them. I know my mom is kind of mad and I have promised her a big white wedding in Naija to satisfy her and her sisters, but I rue the day I will have to do that. =)

Sting said...

I used to think way and to a large extent i still do. But lately i've found myself thinking about my wedding gown. Now the actual thot of getting married is still not palatable to me, as in, i can't imagine being someone's wife but i'm not as opposed to the whole idea as i used to be, not just anytime soon.

exschoolnerd said...

this babe update nau??!?!?!?!

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

No one is crazy about marriage until you meet that person who you would give up your whole life for, that person who completes you, only then will you want to rush to the altar at supersonic speed coz u cant wait for them to belong to you for ever.....

FFF said...

once upon a time, i ddnt want to marry either. den, i tot maybe i could marry one day. & today, AM MARRIED!!!!

as 4 wedding & all d wahala involved, i just know dat d pple dat their opinions really count is u & ur groom. 4get all these family pressure. daz just bullshit. if they wahala u too much, abeg do destination wedding. see oh. wedding na wedding joo

@ fear abt babies - technology has made so many thing easier today. u could do sarrogate. but i do now dat it's true wot they say; ocne u see ur baby, d pain of labour more or less seem non-existent.

Rita said...

Dearest ~Sirius~, I'm okay ie alive :-) but so busy i barely have time for myself. Then my internet connection at home has stopped working otherwise I would have been able to do some things from home.

I will be back to blogville soon. Thank you so much for checking up on me.

Amused Brother said...

Why do people like to deceive themselves?
Fact is, the people who scream ' I don't get the Marriage gra gra' are the very people who desperately want to get married.
So my dear, stop all this BS.

~Sirius~ said...

LOL @ Amused Brother.....To each an every one his/her own opinion.

mllexbonrue said...

I bet you even forgot u wrote this post. lol