She's backkkkk...

Well….at least for now J

It’s mid-April already, this year seem to be on a roller coaster.

I did find myself after my last post. I reconnected to Jesus and every other thing fell into place.

*Someone shout Halleluiah!

I've always had a hard time trying to figure out my passion or what I was created to do. I still haven’t figured it out, time and chance haven’t quiet made their way to me and it makes me feel bad sometimes.

On the other hand, there are things I love to do/ things I think I would love to do (but when I see how other people express themselves in those areas, I tell myself, Naa…you don’t know jack! Don’t bother, just admire them from a distance)

*That’s bad…and I know this.

So

I have decided to take my life/destiny into my own hands and take a leap of faith and NO… I am not launching a fashion line/ style house (yet) or becoming a nutrition expert (yet) and neither am I becoming a weight loss coach any time soon.

But the things I love to do, I will continue to do and enjoy them, learn more about them, become better at them and wait for time and chance to have a date with me J

As you all know the reality of motherhood is quiet heavy.

1.       You lose your body

2.       You lose “me” time

3.       You come last on the list

4.       You become a super human being  joggling life, work & family

Just to mention a few.

I never really got my pre pregnancy body back after my darling N was born. I did look super 3 months after (almost back) to my normal weight and size and somehow I lost it after that.

I tried all sorts of short cuts (silly me) and of course none worked! Spending money that I should have used on fabrics and paying a tailor to bring my designs to life. hissss

Now I am currently on the only thing that works. Sensible eating and exercise!!!

I have gone on this journey more than 2ce in my life time and the key ingredients are patience and discipline! However with my new lifestyle, those 2 ingredients are very far off (my patience is reserved for N- the most hyper active kid ever).  I decided to try one last time, and……drum roll! After 1 month I tried on my wedding dress, and I was able to zip it to the top! Yaaaay! HUGE MILESTONE.  (I did look fuller and more womanly, no thanks to childbearing hips)

Now my goal for weight loss is to get a six pack *coughs*

Timeline is 1 year.  Slow and steady they say wins the race.

I will go into details in my next couple of posts, on my weight loss journey (especially nutrition habits with Nigerian foods), exercising.

I need to do this for myself… just in case I find myself in the same boat again.

As for my love for fabrics, styles &designs. I will also post about them in whatever form I choose to.

Best believe, I will be my own model for some posts….whoop whoop!

I'm so done with remaining anonymous.

Have a great Wednesday people!!!

~Sirius~ Signing out….

What did Baby ~Sirius~ say to Mama ~Sirius~

Grabs broom, inserts stick at the bottom, grabs flashlight and begins to find way to blog.

Months later...

*Phew! I can't believe it's taken the end of year syndrome or should I say new year syndrome to bring me out of my hiatus.

Well, what can I say. At least I'm here now :)

I just did a before and after examination of myself: shocking discovery (or not). My before says to my after "Sweet Jesus! Girl, what on earth happened to you?"
You used to be like me, you know: young and alive! passionate and excited (not that you don't look young) but... you look DEAD.

Alive but Dead.
No passion, no excitement, distant and lost.

Hanging my head in shame, I realize that this is true.
Not proud of it, but I just let life and its trials get the best of me.
What on earth happened to me?
*

In recent times I've been thinking about death more often than usual, I have all the bad news from 2012 causing this, and my worst fear is to die without living!

Things happen in one's life and you're not sure how to recover, you get overwhelmed by other milestones like giving birth and becoming a mother (yet to come to terms with that one till date). You hate your body and yet can't be disciplined enough to lose the last 10kilos so you can be a perfect size 10.
You lack passion for the things you love, so much so that it begins to kill the love.
You yearn desperately for something and instead it keeps going farther away from you.
It feels like the world is against you. You have no reason to try, no reason to hope, no faith to believe.

You just exist.

That sucks...

What's amazing is the fact that I'm surrounded by things that should move me, things that should keep my fire burning, however I chose to ignore them. Just because things were not how I wanted them to be.
This morning, I looked at my husband get ready and leave for work, I smiled in my head and it was warm. I have an awesome life partner.
As for our son, Have you looked into his eyes?...you will fall madly in love with him instantly, him and his bag of tricks.

I didn't make any new years resolutions, but I have began to live by the grace of God.
I am appreciating life and its moments. I will not stop yearning, I will keep my hope and faith alive.
I seize to just exist.

Life is really too short to die sad & unhappy.
I choose to live!
I choose to do right by myself and the people that I love in my life.
I choose to dream
I choose to chase my dreams.
I choose to love
I choose to love passionately.
I am eager and excited!


A little light was all I needed to overcome my dark days :)

It's 2013 people.
L.I.V.E!!!


~Sirius~ signing out.
XoXo...

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness......

I'm sure someone out there will read that title and it will hit them, that is exactly what they are doing.

On the contrary, I am currently not addicted to a certain type of sadness any more..... I just happen to love a certain song called "somebody that I used to know" by Gotye and that powerful line came from the song.

It's amazing how words still have a very strong hold on me.

In other news it's May! can you believe that?! (errr....of course you already do). The year is heading for the finish line and I think it's leaving me behind. I thought I would be a millionaire by now, however living from pay cheque to pay cheque is the wrong way to go about it ( or Not) *wink.
I'm sure for other people Airtel has the answer on how to be a millionaire by age 24........hissssss "fast is an attitude" my foot!

I refuse to bore you with any mummy details :) but if the young man could sprint for the Olympics he would. I thought I was the energizer bunny, you all should meet the little man. He'll wear you out in 2 minutes.

I'm loving colours now. I even wear red lipstick. And yes.....those are my loucious lips.

Colours lift your mood.....and good music too.

I miss here....

A lot has been going on around, from Boko Haram, to us Manchester United fans giving up on the team wining this season, to BBA Stargate (for the addicts), to the scam that this country is- Nothing works and we just keep living our lives while absolutely nothing is being done about it. Everything is tied to a "cabal".....hissss

I get really tired about everything sometimes

I need change. Positive change.

Loving the new blogger layout......it actually made me want to put up a post.

In other news
I want to watch Avengers o!!! Boko haram should please allow me.


My Boo has a question......

"Are you guys really sure Nigeria will get better any time soon?"


Isn't he soooo cute? *wide grin*

~Sirius~ Signing out!

What Will Be Will Be

So, my 2011 was full of many highs and lows, so many that I couldn't wait to start 2012. I wanted to quickly forget some things that happened, finally get over some other things and not have to ponder on bitter sweet life changing experiences.

And so I ended the year with a bang! A full house filled with family - what more could I ask for. First christmas with the little man, I had to bring  my Mommy A-game on. ( If anyone had told me years ago that I would be married, let alone be a Mom, I would have bet my life on their insanity: that's a story for another day).
We had a wonderful Christmas and I started the tradition that my mum used to keep, leaving presents wrapped under the Christmas tree for everyone in the house. It was pure bliss seeing their faces light up as they unwrapped their gifts.  My darling husband wouldn't let me rest because he wanted to see what he got long before Christmas day. However I survived his torments, and he had no choice but to wait.

Taking a break off work to be with family was grand. I can tell you for free that juggling your life as a woman, a career woman, a wife, a mom, a friend, a daughter ain't Easy!

I am almost back to my pre pregnancy weight. *whoop whoop* even though I still have about 7kg to lose to get there, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel having lost a total of 18kg in the last four months. In other words ~Sirius~ is a yummy mummy.
I swear by Jillian Michaels. That woman's workout works on fat cells that have not moved in the last 10yrs.
After going through all this, I can't understand the how women give birth more than once.#justsaying ( Feel free to judge me)

I decided that 2012 will be the year I Live.
Live life to the fullest, no inhibitions.
Because life is darn to short.

So, you can imagine the year opening in grand style for me. A thankful heart, a prophetic word from Sunday morning service and then GEJ's wonderful fuel subsidy announcement. I say- All things work together for good for those who love Him. We shall continue to #OccupyNigeria

My life is going to be what I decide to make out of it.
And so will our lives as Nigerians. If we decide to fight this to the end, then we will not only succeed for ourselves, but for our children as well.

My little man is just too adorable to give up the good fight. He says happy new year to you all, and may 2012 be whatever you want it to be for you.

~Sirius~ and Lil S' signing out.

That Sh*t Cray!

* Stunting like his daddy.................in a Superman suit :-)

Too lazy to type my side of the story, but hubby did justice to it here and here.

And that my friends.....is how we say "That Sh*t Crazy!"

And there was light.....

I feel like this is my first post ever.
I think I've forgotten how to blog.
(How does one forget how to blog?)
I see I'm not the only one guilty of this crime (if I am allowed to call it that)

What's weird is that I cannot pin point what exactly kept me away from here. As for my life being uneventful, I'm pretty sure if I dig deep I would find some awesome stories to tell *smiley*

So.

It's just gone past the middle of August. Is this year fast or what? I've been married for a little over a year already. Funny how that day seems like yesterday. I still don't feel married. I feel like my best friend and I share an apartment. He's kind to let me stay and I return the favour by keeping him company; with benefits of course *wink*

I need shop therapy.

But before that, I need an additional source of income that would let me splurge on any and everything.

*
Life really does have a sense of humour.
As kids we were given everything we wanted for free, yet we wanted to grow up fast, now as adults we find out that the grass isn't as green as it looked like from the other side.

Somehow, i wish adult life came first, so that we'd apprecite being kids.

I'm rambling.....off to make myself useful.

~Sirius~ Signing out®

Feeling (Not So) Damn Good...

So, two Sundays ago in the cool air of the church auditorium, I listened to a story being told from the bible. It would be the umpteenth time I'd be hearing this story since I was a kid, but the first time I would ever stop and slowly digest a character that I never really taken an interest in ever since I'd heard the story.

I'm sure most of us all know the story of the prodigal son who requested for his share of wealth from his father (a king) and blew it all up, then he became less than a servant in a land where the people were seen as less than equals to his own people.

As I sat and listened to the analogy of this story, my ears stood (like a dogs' would) when his brother was analysed.

Quiet, never troubled his father, got his share of wealth (only because his brother requested for his), never caused any trouble, calm, reserved, speaks only when spoken too.......

I felt sad instantly....not for him, but for myself.

I've always played it safe like the first son, not to say I'm 100% goody two shoes or anything like that, but for the life of me I never take risks! I wonder if it has to do with the fact that nothing really excites me, not even "supposed" milestones in life (which i see as a very serious issue).

I usually sit down and take in whatever comes my way.... things happen in my life that i don't like and i just sit there waiting/hoping/wishing for them to change. I find it really really hard to complain or express my feelings, and when and if i eventually do it means that I'm probably sick of it to the point that it makes me sick.

Going back to the bible story...

The wayward brother got the best of both worlds, not to say I'm encouraging being wayward, but....
He caught the heart of his father more than his brother did, why? Because his father (like most heads/fathers/leaders), they are not moved my people who are static, people who just say yes to everything you say, people who don't challenge other people, people who have dreams and wishes buried inside them but are too afraid to birth them because they don't want to seem rude, or out of line.........people who don't speak their
mind or take risks.

How on earth am I going to make a difference in life if i always play safe?

Gosh!

I'm tired, I'm down, I'm angry at myself....I don't mean to sound ungrateful to God, but I'm not just myself...if I were white (no offence) I'd be diagnosed with depression and I'd be feeling slightly suicidal. It's ironic as nothing in wrong in my life at the moment. I guess it's just a phase, or perhaps I'm sucking up more than I should and I just haven't realised it yet.

I'm whining .........

Have a great weekend everyone...

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device